- 4th December
- 14th November
- 10th November
Olivia Pope. I love her. I want to be her - she’s stylish, talented, successful and always seems to know the right thing to do or say.
I have one major issue with her though: Olivia Pope is the other woman, a homewrecker, a person who lacks the ability to find a healthy relationship of which she is deserving. The one who can’t seem to see that a married man is just not going to leave his wife for her, no matter what he says or promises, no matter how many hidden phone conversations they have or stolen moments they share.
Hollywood and the media have glorified this role: the mistress. With the creation of Olivia Pope, an aspirational professional woman who is an egregious louse at relationships, to the new show on ABC actually entitled “Mistresses,”I fear that women are being encouraged to romanticize the idea of being the other woman.
Ladies, let’s get this straight: there is no glory in being the other woman.
There is nothing romantic about trying to seduce a married man.
You may as well be the school slut…who has genital warts.
Because he might sleep with you, but he certainly won’t take you to prom.
What’s worse is that we hardly ever hear from another woman in the picture - the wife. The more we hate Mellie, the more we can relate to Olivia. It is easier for us get swept away by Fitz and Olivia’s intense connection if we believe that Mellie is a hard, cold, unloving bitch. Supposedly, Mellie makes Fitz’s life miserable… but how often in reality is this true? I would think that a cheating husband is the one who is hurting his own wife, causing rifts in the marriage and neglecting his responsibilities to be a loyal, faithful and loving partner, which can certainly make any wife resentful! I’d be pretty pissed myself. She’s the one lying alone in their bed while he’s off philandering. She’s the one parenting their children while he’s stoking the flames of some threadbare spark. She’s the one holding it together while he figures things out.
Yet nobody wants to acknowledge that Mellie was once in Olivia’s shoes. We don’t often hear about the beginnings of Fitz and Mellie’s love story. She too had fallen for a man who promised her the world. She devoted her life to him through marriage… and now, because he is bored or insecure or simply tired of living a married life, he is justified in tossing her to the side. Fitz is even made to look pretty darned sexy when he’s sneaking a call to his mistress from the bathroom. Really? There’s nothing sexy about a grown man hiding in his own bathroom; maybe he should grow a pair.
Instead, we empathize with Olivia’s heartbreak and pain. We follow her as she is tormented about whether or not to keep the private cell phone that Fitz uses to call her. We listen as they speak in breathy voices about how much they miss each other and need each other. We watch her as she struggles to date other men and just can’t seem to create the same connection that she has with the President…waiting for him.
Constantly waiting and wishing and hoping and dreaming.
Why? Because tragic love is romantic and makes for good TV.
But tragic love is not true love.
And Scandal is not real life, people.
I recently came across a website that exposes mistresses, called She’s A Homewrecker. It is filled with tales of pain, betrayal and lies caused by cheating. Scrolling through, and being a married woman myself, it made me realize that my obsession with Olivia Pope is somewhat undeserving.
I feel for these women whose lives have been damaged by affairs and whose dreams broken by betrayal. Pages and pages of heartbreak. Women sharing horror stories about how other women seduced, stalked and manipulated their way into breaking apart marital relationships.
I’d like to think that my perfect Ms. Pope, who lives to help people would never, ever cause pain to another woman… but she has. And she continues to do so, episode after episode, while Mellie smiles bravely in the midst of all this, continuing to show kindness to them both. Mellie deserves a bit more credit for dealing with a mistress with such grace: she did not post Olivia’s name and photo to that website.
Then there’s Fitz, which is where this issue originates. If anything, he is the most at fault with all of this - he is, after all, the married cheater. But he’s a lost cause. When Olivia and Fitz’s affair was on the rocks, what did he do? He screwed a White House intern… Total douche.
So really, Olivia, get yourself together.
You’re not special, you’re making yourself available.
He’s not in love with you. He’s just horny.
Drop the President, apologize to his wife and please move on so that I can feel good about loving you again.
By the way, tell the media that they’ve got it all twisted too.
Scandal airs on ABC, Thursdays at 10pm.
- 28th October
- 15th October
While I was working hard on my MBA, my classmate’s wife Lilliana Vazquez, style expert and fashion maven, was working hard on her very first book: The Cheap Chica’s Guide to Style, scheduled for release on November 5.
Check her out:
I’m pleased to share with you that it is available for pre-order on Amazon for $15 - so get it while it’s hot and cheap!
A HUGE congrats to Lilliana on this amazing accomplishment!! Girl, I would love to speak with you about writing a book of my own, but first we should probably discuss my fall wardrobe. I need new shoes.
- 6th October
Asked by: Anonymous
Pure coincidence. Five girls and one guy - we called ourselves Plus 1. When we first started our program, only the guy was married and the gals were single or dating. By the end of the two years, we were all either: engaged, married, pregnant or new mothers/fathers. My classmates often joked that we had some special formula for happy endings. Funny how life works.
- 15th August
Photo source: ChimeforChange.org
I’ve been reflecting upon why some women just can’t seem to get their wits together to support other women, especially in the workplace. The conclusion: they don’t believe that a woman truly can succeed.
How many of you are guilty of speaking unkindly about a female coworker because you’re jealous of her ____ (fill in the blank): presentation skills, new shoes, awesome hair or merely her great lunch selection? How many of you despise working for a woman because “they are just so much moodier and more demanding than men” (as said by a friend of mine)?
I think we are all guilty of it. Me included. I admit that I have muttered and grumbled horribly sexist things either out loud or to myself about others in the workplace - sometimes i say horribly sexist things about myself (out loud) to other coworkers. Things like, “tell me if I am talking too much, I’m a girl.” In other words, “I give you permission to shut me up because I am a girl (and you are not).”
Success looks different on girls. Gabrielle Bernstein is my age (or less) and is a best selling author, has the endorsement of Oprah and is one heck of an inspiration. It’s because of her that I am coming off a three-day juice cleanse and am starving right now, but feeling quite enlightened.
When I invited a colleague to Gabby’s lecture about creating miracles, her response was “Do you seriously want to learn about life from a 27 year old?!” Um, yes, I think it’s awesome that a 30-something woman is rocking it. Good for her and I want to be there to support her awesomeness, thankyouverymuch.
My guess is yes.
Why is that? I think it’s because she would categorize Mark and Blake as success stories. Gabby, for some reason, is not. Gabby is somehow seen to have sold out to Oprah, seen to be hawking her addiction-filled past as a guise for preaching about the spiritual path. Gabby is seen to be just a 20 or 30-something who knows nothing about anything and certainly should not be writing books or charging money for live events.
Similar to how the woman in the office who is happily married with babies is seen to be lazy or unqualified because she leaves the office at 5:30pm. Sheryl Sandberg, Zuckerberg’s older and seasoned COO, does that.
Or how people believe that women who work from home can never truly be productive. Avon, a $10.7B company, was founded on that principle.
So, ladies (and certainly gents), the next time you find yourself judging, criticizing, tattling on or outwardly tormenting your female colleagues, please pause and calm your inner bully.
Instead, celebrate her success! Support your coworker’s ability to find balance in her work/life situation (and be inspired to find some in your own). Repeat something insightful that she said in a meeting and give her credit for it. Tell her that her new shoes really are awesome and ask her where she got them. Know that for every kudo or praise or nicety you impart upon a woman in the workforce, you are helping to create shifts in not only your office, but also the world.
- 12th August
- 8th August
- 2nd August